Speaking in Love

This Sunday’s Epistle reading, coming on the heels of the so-called republican presidential candidate debate (sorry, I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it… too much hubris and… um… “stuff” being spread around for me) is fitting. It is also, as always, very appropriate for the church to consider daily! “Put away falsehood and speak the truth to our neighbors for we are exactly that, neighbors! Be angry, but don’t hold that anger overnight (or longer) because the only one you are serving is the devil! (Eph 4:25-27, Padre’s paraphrase)

Can you tell that I do NOT look forward to the election season? Between the lying and pandering that politicians of all stripes cater to and the hatred and venom spewed all over social media and in the newspapers and on television (don’t get me started on media spin and lies), there are times when I want to go away and hide. Or, if I can ‘t hide, at least I can look at beautiful pictures like the one above taken on the trail that goes through our Condominium/Townhouse complex to the river, and think on the glory of God and God’s creation.

Anyway, back to Ephesians and the message it reveals to me tonight. One of the larger problems that I have seen cripple a church has to do with speaking to neighbors. Gossip has torn congregations apart. It has also torn families apart. When we spend more time talking about people instead of talking to them, lets just say that God is not glorified.

I remember several times in my Air Force career when I had to deal with young airmen who were struggling. Now these airmen knew they were struggling… they also knew that people were talking about them behind their back… yet to their face nobody would say anything at all. I would actually talk with these airmen about their situation honestly. Was I blunt? Sort of. Was I honest? Yes! How did the airmen react? They were thankful that I actually spoke to them directly and honestly. The difference? I spoke the truth to them in love! Unlike others, I didn’t gossip or stab them in the back while smiling sweetly to their face. They knew that I loved them and they knew that I knew that something had to change. Where before they had dealt with gossip, duplicity, lying, back-stabbing and all sorts of other hurtful and hateful nonsense, at least now they were dealing with the truth in love.

In another case, while the young person I was working with wasn’t the thief in verse 28, they were a person who just didn’t get it and wasn’t making wise decisions. Strange thing was, many of the chaplains and chaplain assistants would talk about this particular chaplain assistant behind his back. Sadly, I would occasionally get sucked into that negative conversation only to feel badly and walk away. I did however, treat this young airman with respect and it appeared that where others could not get this airman to work well, I always could. Why? Because I gave him opportunities to excel. Even though this person wouldn’t last long in the Air Force,  he knew that this Padre would be honest with him but also give him the opportunity to labor honestly. I often wonder what happened to that airman and I pray that he was able to make a grace-filled transition back to the civilian world.

What was it that made the difference for these airman and for the thief in verse 28? I think the difference was that they were both given a chance… an opportunity… to prove that they could rise above their particular circumstance and show that God was indeed with them and willing to love and guide them. What was the result for the thief Paul was talking about? Instead of being thrown to the wolves or locked away forever in a place that is all about punishment and has nothing to do with rehabilitation, the thief was given a chance to work honestly with their own hands and as a result had something to share with those less fortunate.

Lord knows we will hear plenty of harping by candidates in the months (which feel like years to me) ahead about how we need to throw more people in prison. It seems as though there is less and less interest in restoration and restorative justice and more interest in retribution. Are there some in prison who are so broken that they cannot be returned to society? Sadly, I believe there are. Are there some in prison who we can work with and help them to restore their sense of self-worth and in the end restore them to the community as productive citizens? YES! The sad thing is, the prison-industry (believe me it is a huge moneymaker just like the military-industrial complex) isn’t interested in restorative justice. They are interested in building more prisons and making more money. Where is the love in that? Where is the justice in that? Where is the mercy in that? I can’t see those qualities at all!

So what is the answer to this, Padre? Thankfully, Paul gives us an idea of the answer in the remainder of the verses in the reading. “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear…. Put away form you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice…” (Eph 4:29, 31) That is the beginning… can you imagine how much different this world would be if we did that? Can you imagine how much different the church would be if we did that? I know… shocking! It would be Isaiah’s peaceable kingdom where the lions lie down with the lambs… It would be a place where the justice system actually worked to restore those who had been convicted of crimes back to society instead of putting them in institutions where the goal was “higher education” for criminals because society isn’t going to give them a chance anyway when they get out.

Am I dreaming? Yes I am! But can this dream become a reality? I believe it can! How, you might ask? Try the advice Paul gave to the church in Ephesus… “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you… be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Eph 4:32-5:2)

Back to the picture at the top of this blog… a walk along that trail reminded me of the wonder and majesty of God’s love, grace, and mercy. It also reminded me that I have a job to do… and that job begins with speaking in love. Will you join me in swimming against the tide? Will you join me in saying no to church gossip or backbiting or slander or malice and yes to speaking in love?