“There is always a moment in any kind of struggle when one feels in full bloom. Vivid. Alive. One might be blown to bits in such a moment and still be at peace. Martin Luther King Jr. at the mountaintop. Gandhi dying with the name of God on his lips . . . . To be such a person or to witness anyone at this moment of transcendent presence is to know that what is human is linked, by a daring comparison, to what is divine.”—Alice Walker
My impatience is felt as an upheaval of resentment, disgust, depression. Yet I am joyful. I like life. I am happy with it. I have nothing to complain of. But a little of the chill, a little of the darkness, the sense of void in the midst of myself, and I say to my body: “Okay, all right then, die, you idiot!” But it is not really trying to die, it just wants to slow down. — Journal entry from October 2, 1962–Turning Towards the World: Thomas Merton’s Journals (vol. IV)
At almost forty-eight, Merton wrote the above words. I chuckled a bit because I tried to remember age forty-eight… I had been deployed and then returned from England to the US for my final Air Force assignment. I had no clue what was coming or how wonderful things would turn out after the storm of my own making. Then I realized that at the age of sixty-one I have lived longer than Merton.
My body too isn’t trying to die (sometimes it feels like it though 😉), it is indeed telling me to slow down. It made that especially loud and clear when we returned home after 14,000 miles of driving over two months caring for family and walking with my father-in-law and our good friend and Denise’s former mother-in-law through The Valley of the Shadows. Denise is still on the road every week between home and Alabama as she goes through the long process of settling her parent’s estate.
Besides a somewhat morbid sense of humor on my part (channeling my inner Merton?), I can see the delicate balance he described in his journal. The darkness and the light are very real. I do like life and am very happy with the life Denise and I continue to build together. I need to do a better job of remembering that when the dark days occur. At that point I can think of my favorite picture of Thomas Merton!
Lord, help me to listen to my soul and my body. Help me to embrace the joy that is in life while acknowledging (not denying) the darkness that is also present. And finally, Lord, may I always choose love. Amen.
Verse of the day
And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
– Nehemiah 8:10
Voice of the day
This place could be beautiful, / right? You could make this place beautiful.
– Maggie Smith, “Good Bones”
Prayer of the day Strengthen us as we lift one another up and repair your creation.
“One cannot remain immobile where the political and aesthetic customs and potentialities are so conspicuous and compelling: one must take another step.” — a letter from Boris Pasternak to Kurt Wolff discussing Merton’s letters to Pasternak shared in Merton’s Journal, A Search for Solitude: Pursuing the Monk’s Life (October 31, 1958)
So, how can we remain immobile, paralyzed by the political, ideological, and theological crisis we are facing today? We cannot remain immobile! To be honest, there are days when I want to escape to some sort of sanctuary (a place of solitude, or a hermitage) with Denise. Especially as so much of the church at large is imploding into itself instead of bravely embracing the new potential that we are being called to as Christ-followers. Looking not to the past with longing but to the future with hope and expectation is, I believe, taking the next step.
Verse of the day
One night the Lord said to Paul in a vision, “Do not be afraid, but speak and do not be silent; for I am with you, and no one will lay a hand on you to harm you, for there are many in this city who are my people.”
– Acts 18:9-10
Voice of the day
What’s the point of having a voice if you’re gonna be silent in those moments you shouldn’t be?
– Angie Thomas, The Hate U Give (2017)
Prayer of the day Amid threats and terror, inspire us to never be silent, but instead to act as witnesses of truth and justice.
“When you get into a tight place, and everything goes against you till it seems as if you couldn’t hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that’s just the place and time that the tide’ll turn.”—Harriet Beecher Stowe
“The desert monks tried to practice what the Buddhists call ‘beginner’s mind.’. . . Remembering this, we are less likely to get caught up in our own hubris about the spiritual life. The desert monks invite us again and again to commit to our spiritual practice and path.”
— Christine Valters Paintner, PhD Desert Mothers and Fathers: Early Christian Wisdom Sayings Annotated and Explained
When was the last time you gave yourself permission to ‘begin again’ without self-recrimination?
Gentle whistles of a bluebird and, in the mist, a SAC plane swoops huge and low over the ridges where Edelin’s valley is and where the final hermitages are to be. I wonder if it carries bombs. Most probably. They all do, I am told. The technological society! I will go out and split some logs and gather a basket of pinecones. (October 30, 1964 – Thomas Merton’s Journals: Dancing in the Waters of Life)
My first summer as a Chaplain Candidate, Second Lieutenant in the USAF (1985) I was assigned to a Strategic Air Command base (Carswell Air Force Base, Fort Worth, TX) as a part of my introduction to the Air Force Chaplain Corps while I was in seminary. I can tell Fr. Louis (Thomas Merton’s name which he took as he professed his final vows as a Monk and then as a priest at The Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani) that they most likely carried nuclear warheads on most missions and may have carried them on that mission. The insanity of the Cold War still sends chills down my spine and deep into my soul.
Fr. Louis, i am with you… find something down to earth such as splitting wood and gathering pinecones as you contemplate the fragility of life on this planet and humankind’s inhumanly towards humankind… pray for us, Fr. Louis as we continue to make so many missteps on this road called life. Dona Nobis Pacem, Grant Us Peace…
Verse of the day
But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.
– Amos 5:24
Voice of the day
You are moving in the direction of freedom and the function of freedom is to free somebody else.
– Toni Morrison, Barnard College commencement speech (1979)
Prayer of the day Reveal to us the threads that weave all of humanity together in pursuit of true justice.
“How are we to train individuals or communities in this difficult art of nonviolence? There is no royal road, except through living the creed in your life which must be a living sermon.”—Mohandas K. Gandhi
