Blue Christmas

Last night before our Choir & Christmas Cantata practice, Denise and I were blessed to be able to attend St Agatha Episcopal Church’s “Blue Christmas” service. We had just concluded our own Advent Mid-Week Prayer Service at First Presbyterian. I had no idea how tremendously moved both of us would be by this service. The service suggested that while many people see the Advent and Christmas season as a time of joy, that many would not. This was a time to gather and support those for whom this season is tinged with sadness.

During the service, we were invited to tie slim blue ribbons onto a Christmas tree in the sanctuary. For me, it was a tearful moment as I remembered Technical Sergeant Steve Miller. The above picture shows Steve in between Chaplain, Colonel Charlie Bolin on the left and me on the right. Steve and I had served for two years at the USAF Desert Warfare Training Center in Indian Springs, Nevada. We co-taught the Chaplain Corps ministry in a combat environment course. From 2000-2002 we were an inseparable team. I was transferred by the Air Force in 2002 to Grand Forks Air Force Base in North Dakota. In November of 2004, I received a phone call that tore my heart to pieces–Steve had taken his life. So a few weeks before Thanksgiving, I was joining my former teammates to grieve this tragic loss. Thanksgiving and Christmas were tough that year. I was asked by our base senior leadership to give a suicide awareness briefing to our headquarters personnel. It was a very raw briefing for me and very real. It was also very timely. I was heading to Afghanistan for a four month deployment and this issue would be sadly relevant as I briefed warriors who were returning from yearlong combat tours.

For some reason Steve came to mind this year. Steve and so many people I had either walked with through suicidal moments or who I had buried, were in my heart and on my mind. Yes, for some people, Christmas is not a festive time, it is rather a time of mourning and loss. And they often feel overlooked or ignored as others celebrate the “joy of the season”. For Denise, it was the memory of the Christmas Eve funeral for the son of dear friends/neighbors who died tragically. She tied her ribbon in Paul Junior’s memory.

I am thankful for the opportunity we were given last night to remember and to mourn the loss of two people who are dear to our hearts. I am am also thankful for the time to walk with others who were remembering their own Blue Christmas memories. It was fitting that we closed the service with the Sacrament of Holy Communion. Even though we mourned, we also gathered at the table to receive the hope and promise of the one who shares our burdens and sorrows. He also transforms our tears and sorrow into the peace that only he can give.

I ask of you this season, in the midst of your holiday joy and preparations, to think of and reach out to those for whom this season is tinged with grief or pain or sorrow. And I also pray that those who deal with their own depression or sadness will reach out and find love, acceptance, and affirmation in the midst of their own pain.